 Cloaking sincerity in jest, Umm Junayd looks at a few of the pitfalls we fall into when we plan weddings without adhering to Islamic guidelines. Just imagine, you arrive at the entrance of a large hall and notice a mass of people, both men and women, gathered outside. You whip out your invitation card to verify whether you have reached the correct venue and it turns out that you have. You look around and almost hit yourself for not bringing shades – why hadn’t anyone warned you about the amount of bling-bling that would be on display by man, woman and child? It’s so bad that there should be some kind of health warning on the invite! You shade your eyes as best as you can and proceed into the glamorous, latest designer-decorated hall, but wait, your heart’s pounding. You soon realise that it’s not your heart beating like a drum, rather, it’s the bass of the latest wedding track – boom, boom, boom. Yes, wedding nasheed. Fatima never mentioned that the hall would be used for a disco too! As your heartbeat manages to ease and settle down, you push your way through a set of heavy double doors to be greeted, not only by the aroma of the enticing menu the catering team had slaved over, but by a group of ‘brothers’. Hold on a sec, let’s put this tape on pause. Wasn’t this supposed to be a Muslim marriage? How many times have you come across weddings like this? The food is great, the hall looks fabulous and the bride is literally turning heads, but something tells you that things aren’t quite right. For one thing, what are all those men doing in the hall? Having known the bride for many years, you’re almost certain that they can’t all be her uncles! Then there’s the music. Not only does it attack your heart, you can barely hear the person next to you and, for some reason, your neck keeps making funny movements from side to side in time with the beat. Is this the only way to have a ‘dream wedding’? Who says that an Islamic marriage that is in line with the Qur’an and Sunnah has to be boring, a plain, bare room with its inhabitants sitting at tables, clad in black, silently eating biryani? There can be beauty, enjoyment, fun and laughter, as long as it’s all done within the boundaries of Islam. Have a nice hall, have a sing-song and by all means, wear the bling-bling, just please, keep the men away. Send them to their own hall – who wants to be mingling with them anyway? As for the music, well who needs those recording artists anyway? Sisters can blast the hall with some excellent vocal skills and make the wedding experience one that the bride will never forget. Make her feel special and loved – sign her some ballads and whisk her around the hall with you. The bride doesn’t have to sit on a throne fit for a queen with a sombre expression on her face. It’s her wedding, so allow it to be special and what better way that reviving those drumming skills you had from back in the day. Bring out the daff and beat some tunes that will get even the shyest sisters moving! Now that’s what I call an Islamic wedding – a wedding that’s a whole lot of fun, yet also pleasing to Allah.
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Jazzaki Allahu Khayran for this article it's also nice...
but what if the guy who proposes doesn't want me to have such a wedding what if he says i'm not flexible and hard to get with?! And what if i want this guy and he's a good person?! He might say that he wouldn't like me to have sucha wedding but he wouldn't say no so i believe i have to do what pleases Allah and we'll be blessed for the future right?!
hilariously true.i can count how many nikkahs i have attended that were 'almost' truly islamic.'almost' because the mommies and daddies in the family would NEVER agree to a wedding where the men would be in a separate hall.lai!lai!.it was a huge battle in getting them to cut out the music and several other fitnahs that come with the weddings around here in the first place.
but, i hope my folks would come round when it's my time,plus people here are soooo conventional.they simply can't change the TRADITION
Sarah, you are SO right. There are those weddings which are 'borderline' and those that are almost there, but not quite there, if you know what I mean... those where, mashaa`Allaah, the segregation entails the women on one side, and the men on the other in the SAME HALL!
Now, from your 'lai, lai' chant, I'm guessing you're Nigerian too? If so, I feel your pain sista! LOL. May Allaah help us all, aameen.
(p.s. I thought it was laye laye - Yoruba's being watered down or what?)
salams. Jazak Allah Khyr for your article. I agree wholeheartedly. However, I believe that as long as Allah's boundaries are adhered to,then peoples cultural traditions should be respected and not mocked. As you mentioned it's the brides big day and if she wants to mingle with friends or sit on a throne as a queen for a day, the we sisters shall be happy for her whatever she chooses.
Iv been to many truly islamic weddings, and they're the best weddings of all.
MashaAllaah, Sister.
Excellent article and very succinct.
Unfortunately that's the vogue now in many Muslim marriages. And if u dare to speak up and enjoin good and forbid evil, u become every1's shayatin, fa a'uthubillaah.
Well done, my sista!
Salaam Nadia,
I just saw your comment.
I was in no way mocking anyone's cultural practices - I think you may have felt that my 'biryani' comment, and the 'bride sitting on a throne' comment were aimed at Asian weddings? This has been my observations of Asian weddings, and... pardon my saying so, they have been the least of the liveliest I've attended. I guess they don't appease my African roots **grin**.
Nonetheless, as you said: if they are in accordance with the deen, they're still cool too.
Jazaakillaahu khairan for voicing your thoughts. Much appreciated!
slmz. too true!! south african weddings are getting worse by the day! one doesn't feel like attending these functions because most of it is for show. smarter, fancier, everything in the hall is draped but the bride!! just not fun anymore...
Well for me as a convert I feel it is going to be very difficult to keep a segregated wedding for my non muslim family members and keep it entertaining. That would mean separating married couples just to have my new muslim girlfriends feel comfortable. Any suggestions?