A sister share her memories of her Umrah last Ramadhan
At the airport, our hopes of spending Ramadhan in Makkah and Madinah as a family turned into a disappointment so poignant that I can still feel it today. My husband and I had enjoyed a Hajj with our teenage daughters two years earlier, and one of the joys of our Hajj was to see it through the eyes of our twin girls. We were now excited at the prospect of spending Ramadhan in the blessed cities as a family. But as we checked in our luggage, the officials discovered that the girls' passports had expired. We had looked at the passports, they had gone through the hands of the travel agent, the hands of the Saudi embassy, but none of us had picked up on that small detail.
Friends and family scurried to try to arrange for emergency or temporary passports from the immigration officers; to ask the Saudi embassy for assistance. They apologized for issuing visas but overlooking this one essential detail. We returned home, broken.
A scholar came to our home and sat us down. He told us that either four of us would all miss the opportunity to go for Umrah, or else two of us would go and come back to share the experience. What better gift could we give them, he asked us, than our prayers? The girls came to us later that evening and told us that this was not meant to be for them, but that they still wanted us to go.
So, four days later, my husband and I departed a second time, but this time with very different emotions and intentions.
There are some aspects of Umrah that are too personal to share. Seeing the Ka'bah for example, is one of the spiritual peaks of your life, but it is too deep an experience to describe to others, so I will leave it to you to experience this for yourselves, insha Allah.
We entered the Haram just after the first Tarawih prayer was competed. Tawaf was easy, and we completed it within an hour and a half. But sa'i (between Safa and Marwah) took over three hours. Sa'i was difficult because of the crowds, particularly at the hills when you turn around and are basically pushed along. With the marble, the air conditioning and the lights, it is hard to imagine the anguish of a woman who needed to find water for her and her baby to survive, her loneliness and her sole reliance on Allah. But it is essential that you focus your mind so that the spiritual metaphor of the sa'i can touch your soul. So much of the Hajj commemorates Prophet Ibrahim (AS) but the sa'i that is a pillar of the Umrah commemorates one woman, Hajar (RA), her sacrifice and her trust. When I drank Zamzam, I was drinking the water of that sacrifice!
Makkah pulsates. The pace is fast and you are on the go all the time. The atmosphere at Iftar is completely different to any other time of the year. The Saudi government and nation are exemplary hosts, and food for iftar is abundant and generously offered. My husband and I would break fast near Safa, where people were completing their Umrah. You could see the exhaustion in their faces, and it was so wonderful to be able to share our Iftar with them. We found a Pakistani restaurant close to the Haram, where there were lines of poor people. We took the money we would have spent on the girls, and gave it to the restaurant, asking them to give food to the poor.
The qirat of Tarawih flows into your soul. I had learnt Arabic while in my thirties, with sufficient grammar to translate the Qur'an. If I did not understand Arabic, I would have been caught up in the beautiful recitation, which is so therapeutic. But understanding the Arabic text of the Qur'an enabled me to focus on the words and the ayat of the Qur'an, and I would lose myself in their meaning, asking Allah to let them touch my heart. When we had studied the Qur'an, we also studied the asbabun nuzul, the contexts and circumstances in which certain ayat were revealed. And here I was standing, in the very city were many of those verses were revealed!
Like everyone else in the crowd, when the Imam makes his dua in the Witr prayer, you find your arms stretched out, pleading and begging Allah, while you sob and weep. At the end of the Witr, I was drained from crying. And no-one notices your tears, because everyone around you has wept with you.
Those of us who come from developed countries try to stay as close to the Haram as we can. Others, however, have the best accommodation in Makkah. Before Qiyamul Layl, as you come into the Haram, you find that there are people sleeping there, on the carpets or even on the cold, hard, marble. Besides them are a small pack of their belongings and it dawns to you that they eat, sleep and wake up in the Haram. You see the serenity etched on their faces as they sleep. You realise the hardship it took for them to get there, but you see the peace that Allah has given them in return.
After Fajr, people leave the Haram tired from a night spent in worship. We found this to be the quietest time to do tawaf, while sunlight streamed in and the Haram glowed in the light of a new day.
IN THE CITY OF THE PROPHET (S)
We spent the last ten nights in Madinah. We made this decision based on logistics, as the price for accommodation in Makkah multiplies for those last ten days. Next time, I hope to do it the other way round, insha Allah.
We arrived just before Asr salah, and spent the evening in the Haram. Food was laid out, with laban, qahwah, dates and Zamzam, and people pulled us to share their Iftar. Hearts like these I had never seen.
The next morning, I queued to visit the Rawdah, to go and make salaam with my Prophet (S). Three trips to Madinah, and I still feel the same: overwhelmed, stuttering my greeting, feeling humbled at the grave of the Best of Mankind (S).
In the last ten nights, Qiyam al Layl is prayed in jama'ah, wherein three juz of the Qur'an are recited. During the Imam's dua in the Witr prayer, people cry just like in Makkah. But this time, the tears flow in silence, everything is more subdued and quieter. In the city of Allah’s Chosen (S) everyone behaves with dignity. On the 29th night, the recitation of the Qur'an is completed. You wish for another recital to begin, another chance to make Tarawih. Where else in the world will you hear the Imam pray: "Oh Allah, on this blessed night, in this blessed month, in this blessed city …" and you realise just how blessed you have been.
EID IN MADINAH
I thought I would leave for salatul-eid at around Fajr time. But one of the friends I made in Madinah told me to meet her at three a.m. I didn't understand why she wanted us to be there that early. We met in the crisp air of the courtyard, amidst crowds of people. Everyone was silent and in prayer. When the doors of the Haram opened, we streamed in quietly. The first thing that hit me was the smell of ood. The Haram had been cleaned until it sparkled. It looked like a bride on her wedding day! This was Laylatul Jazaa – the night of prize giving that Allah has promised the believers for a month of worship.
Before you know it, it is over. Once you come out of the Haram, it is a normal day. At home, the atmostphere would have been jovial amidst friends and family, but here in Madinah, you feel bereft at the loss of Ramadhan, as if someone you love has left. We were in tears.
My husband knew my attachment to my girls, and that they would have been my companions on this trip. Without them, he took it upon himself to be my companion, to walk me to and from the Haram. We became closer for the opportunity to be together on that Umrah.
The girls were in our prayers all the time. But I also realised that had they been there, my focus would have been diverted and I may have decreased my Ibadah. Instead of spending my Ramadhan with them, I spent it with my husband, I spent it with the ummah, but mostly, I spent it with Allah.
Ibn Abbâs relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) asked a woman from Madinah: "What prevented you from embarking on the Hajj pilgrimage with us?"
She replied: "We had two camels. My husband and child took one and left the other for the rest of us to ride on."
The Prophet (S) then told her: "When the month of Ramadhan arrives, go for 'umrah, because `umrah in Ramadhan is like accompanying me on Hajj" [Bukhârî].
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Subhanallah!! Inshallah I hope one day that I too can experience this great spiritual journey Ameen
I really enjoyed reading ur experience.I just visited this website for the first time.I hope to be in Saudi very soon for Hajj and Umrah too,insha Allah.
That experience at the airport will teach you more about yourselves and life than anybody and any other institution ever will. No matter how hard the situation was at the time, Allah has His way of bringing families closer. We pray that the Almighty grants you the opportunity, strength and zest to experience the unforgettable journey of Hajj and Umrah with your daughters as one strong family and bond. Ameen.
It is the first time i visited this website and I have really enjoyed your experience. Insha Allah I will get the opportunity to experience it as well.Ameen