Sorry for keeping you waiting

Finding Hope in Miscarriage

Having been inspired by her sister and several ahadith, Samina Farooq writes a heartfelt letter to her sister’s child who died pre-term.

Dear Niece/Nephew,


I don’t know what gender you were, but you were cherished deeply nonetheless. You were loved even when you didn’t fill the warm folds of my arms. But I’m glad they encompassed your mother when she needed it the most. Although late, but there.


She is the best friend I ever had and will ever have. A role model I always look up to.


When I got to know that we would no longer be able to hear your tiny giggles or see you take baby steps into this world, I was reduced to tears while your mother stood strong, still grateful to Allah (SWT). Her patience[1] didn’t even waver after seeing my breakdown. I cried for days even though I never saw you. Not even once. But love is not sight-bound.


Being far away from your mother, I wrote a letter to her when everyone slept around me. I wrote about how her patience at the first stroke of this calamity was an example for me, for all the mothers out there who have gone through this tragedy[2].


Maybe she cried when she was all alone. Her tears evaporated, rose up to the skies. Because I could see the hurt in those eyes, and I could hear the crack in her voice, but her lips formed nothing but a smile. You never saw the silent tears your mother shed for you. Her eyes wept but her tongue didn’t ask God, “Why?”[3]


So I request that when you intercede[4] for your parents in front of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgment, don’t forget me. For I may not be able to reach the level of your mother, but I would just like to be able to get a foot through the gates of Jannah.


Today, you have two amazing sisters, the twinkles of my eye. The gifts we truly treasure after losing you. And in sha Allah, there are more gifts to come…


I cry again as I write to you, and I’m sure your mother will cry again too, reading this – maybe in the crease of her pillow cover. Yet nothing will leave her mouth but a smile once again. For you are one of her doors to Jannah – where your playmate is perhaps Muhammad’s (SAW) son Ibrahim. There is a wet nurse[5] for him, and I hope you share the bond with him too. He was 18 months old[6] and you were perhaps just 18 weeks. You are in a perfect place while we wait to come there too, away from this cruel world. We don’t wish to die but we wish to enter the world beyond our imaginations, when we do. I hope that when that day comes, we find you playing with your cute little friends around the man of tall stature, Ibrahim (AS) [7]. So I let you go today my beloved, for my embrace can never replace the warmth of his…


[1] The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity. (Bukhari)


[2] In case anyone amongst you sees the sad demise of three children of (hers) and she resigns herself to the will of God hoping to get reward, she would be admitted to Paradise. A woman from amongst them said: Allah’s Messenger, even if they (the children who die) are two. Thereupon, he (the Holy Prophet, ) said: Even if they are two. (Muslim)


[3] …The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation. (Bukhari)


[4] There are no two Muslims, three of whose children die before reaching puberty, but Allah will admit them to Paradise by virtue of His mercy toward them. It will be said to them: ‘Enter Paradise.’ They will say: ‘Not until our parents enter.’ So it will be said: ‘Enter Paradise, you and your parents.” (Nasai)


[5] There is a wet-nurse for him (i.e. Ibrahim) in Paradise. (Bukhari)


[6] Ibrahim, the son of the Prophet (SAW), died when he was eighteen months old. (Abu Dawud)


[7] …..and the tall man you saw in the garden is (Prophet) Ibrahim, and the children around him are those who died upon Al-Fitrah (the Islamic Faith of Monotheism).”‘ The narrator added: Some Muslims asked the Prophet (SAW), “O Messenger of Allah! What about the children of Al- Mushrikun (i.e., polytheists, pagans, idolaters, and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah and in His Messenger Muhammad SAW)?” The Prophet (SAW) replied, “And also the children of Al-Mushrikun.” (Bukhari)


Samina Farooq is an engineer by qualification, an Arabic language student by occupation, a photographer by eye, a writer by heart and a Muslim by soul.